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All of my life, I have craved productivity. Productivity in crossing off to-do lists, creating, project planning, learning, and the list goes on. How fitting that the list goes on for a professional list maker like myself! Knowing your strengths can be a powerful tool, so knowing that I am a very task-oriented and -driven person helps me schedule my days and find space for impact. At the same time, I have learned the hard way time and time again that finding my worth in productivity only leads to a cyclic path of temporary satisfaction followed quickly by another project or list, ultimately leading to long-term dissatisfaction. By God’s grace and pursuit of my heart, I have learned to find my worth in what He says about me. He says that I am, and you absolute are too, beautifully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139: 14), clothed with strength and dignity (Proverbs 31: 25), and created to do good works for which He has already prepared and planned (Ephesians 2:10). Affirmations of our worth in God are woven deeply into the Bible as Christ died for us while we were still sinners, unworthy in our depravity but then divinely given worth by His grace. Furthermore, in Luke, we are told that not one sparrow is even forgotten by Him, so how much more are we counted and cared for by a God who cares even about one sparrow? Our innate worth comes intrinsically and fully from our creation in the image of God Himself, stamped in His love and redeemed in the path of the Cross. There is no doubt of our worth there, and if you are like me, you know this to be true. You have experienced the confidence, beauty, and divine peace that comes with full rest in that worth. However, our rest in that worth becomes clouded and shadowed by the long lists, external demands of a “go, go, go” world, and self-rooted lies that say productivity gives worth. In this season of my life, I have come to a crossroads with my reality that I too often find my worth in productivity and my desire to solely rest in the worth God gives me. I do not foresee me ever having a time like this in my life again, a summer where I do not work or travel for half of it like I have the past 4 years. A summer between phases of life, in a hazy but exciting zone between high school and college. A summer where my permanent and only home is still with my family. My utmost hope is to make this season just special because I truly do not want to miss out on one ounce of it. At the same time, pressure and stress have built as the days dwindle and weeks go by, leaving me wondering what I have actually done with this time. Above all, I am so grateful for this time... absolutely, amen, but for an overachiever like me, I just cannot seem to rest very well in its simplicity. I feel pressure to make the simplest things a part of the schedule for my day. I even put sometimes to shower and get ready on my list (at this point, if you are not a list maker, you probably think I’m crazy). Despite all of the pressure I place on these simple days, I have found that I am most satisfied and content in the quiet moments that were unplanned, the spontaneity of a sunset drive or bike ride, and the laughs with people I will no longer be surrounded by all the time in a few weeks. This time is an active challenge for this overachiever, but let me tell you... I could not be more grateful for how it is forcing me to unravel my mind away from lists and towards His joy. Per my sweet counselor (which is a whole different topic but long story short- it’s so healthy to find someone to talk to about what you feel, not just think), my productivity is now based on people. I have had to mentally shift from tasks to time spent with loved ones. So, to all of my overachievers, I am with you. It’s a beautiful thing to know our gifts and strengths and play these up to real impact, yet I am learning it is an even more beautiful thing when we can recognize our weaknesses and then rethink our perspectives and daily patterns. My prayer for myself and for you is that we find rest and confidence in the worth God has already declared over our lives from before we were ever born. My prayer is that we embrace our to-do lists and tasks but never before choosing to love others first, before any project or schedule or checked box. My prayer is that we lean into the joy that is the unplanned moments and God-designed pauses.
With love,
C